Remember being told that people’s behavior wouldn’t last forever?
“High school doesn’t last forever.”
“People grow up.”
“People mature. They stop being so dramatic, so petty, so rude. They stop purposely trying to tear other people down.”
Yeah… what a fucking joke.
I’m 37 years old, and I’ve officially decided I’m retiring the phrase “This isn’t high school” when talking about grown adults and their shitty behavior.
Because I’ve come to the conclusion that some people are just jerks. It doesn’t matter how old they are.
Sure, people can grow out of bad behavior. But I also think people can grow INTO it.
Experiences change a person. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. But I guess that brings up another question…
Better for who?
Better for the people around them? Or better for themselves?
Because I think there’s a difference.
Someone can go through life, get hurt, get taken advantage of, and eventually decide they’re done giving a damn about anyone but themselves. They write off the world. They adopt that dog-eat-dog mentality, and suddenly it’s all about taking whatever they can get their hands on.
And maybe, in their mind, that’s better. Maybe they feel stronger, smarter, less vulnerable.
But is that actually better? For the rest of us? For society as a whole?
I don’t think so.
And that brings me back to something else we’re constantly told.
“Kids will be kids.”
Why do we say that?
Seriously, where did that saying even come from?
Why did we decide that being cruel, selfish, manipulative, or just an outright jerk was somehow a childhood issue that people would naturally outgrow?
Because from what I’ve experienced, it’s never really been about the kids.
It’s been about the adults all along.
I mean, where do kids learn their behavior?
Of course, children have their own experiences. They develop their own opinions, their own perspectives, and their own ways of navigating the world. Their understanding of life is literally being built from what they experience and what they see happening around them.
And who is shaping so much of that world?
Adults.
Yet somehow, we decided it was easier to chalk poor behavior up to childhood and reassure everyone that eventually people would grow out of it.
But what happens when they don’t?
What happens when those same bullies grow up, get driver’s licenses, jobs, money, houses, relationships, and access to a whole lot more than they ever had in high school?
I’ll tell you what happens.
The consequences of their behavior can become ten times worse.
Because now we’re not just talking about someone spreading rumors in the hallway or making someone feel terrible about themselves at lunch.
We’re talking about grown adults who can manipulate people, destroy relationships, take advantage of others financially, abuse positions of power, and create real damage in other people’s lives.
And we’re still standing around acting like bullying is something that belongs in a high school cafeteria.
No.
Sometimes the high school bully just grows up and gets a mortgage.
And maybe that’s part of what bothers me so much.
We’re constantly telling children how they should behave while making excuses for adults who should know better.
I’m a big believer in leading by example.
Be the change you want to see in the world, right?
But I’m also a big believer in not taking shit from anyone.
And sometimes those two beliefs feel like they’re fighting each other.
Because there will always be a bully. There will always be someone willing to take advantage of another person. But unfortunately, there isn’t always someone willing to stand up to them.
And even when someone DOES stand up, that doesn’t mean the bully learns a thing.
Some of them just turn around and play the victim.
Nothing is ever their fault. Nothing they do is ever wrong. And no matter how badly they’ve treated someone, somehow they’re the ones who have been wronged.
There’s no accountability. No recognition of their own behavior. Just an endless list of reasons why everyone else is the problem.
So where does that leave the rest of us?
I feel like, in a way, it separates people.
Not necessarily right down the middle, and obviously people aren’t always one or the other, but there are people who spend their lives taking and people who spend their lives giving.
And I wonder if there will ever be a point when there are more givers than takers.
Wouldn’t that be something?
I feel like I’d have a whole lot more hope in humanity if that were the case.
And I’m not sitting here claiming to be some perfect person who always gives and never takes. I’m human. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve definetly been the asshole in somebody else’s story, too.
But I do think recognizing your own behavior is a pretty good place to start.
Which brings me to the part of all of this that I find the most frustrating.
At this point in my life, I’m so sick of people.
And the irony of that?
All I’ve ever wanted to do is help people.
Seriously. What a conundrum.
I hate watching good people get taken advantage of. I hate watching someone with good intentions get walked all over because they genuinely wanted to do something kind for somebody else.
And I refuse to willingly be that person who just stands there and lets someone take whatever they want from me.
But at the same time…
If I decide I’m done helping people because I’m tired of being taken advantage of, what happens to the people who actually need the help?
The ones who would appreciate it. The ones who might genuinely benefit from a little kindness. The ones who aren’t looking for someone to use, but simply need someone to give a damn.
They lose out, too.
And that doesn’t sit right with me either.
So what do you do?
Do you harden yourself to the point that nobody can take advantage of you anymore? Do you become one of those people who only looks out for themselves because the world has taught you that’s how you survive?
Or do you keep putting yourself out there, knowing that every once in a while somebody is probably going to take advantage of your kindness?
I don’t know if there’s a perfect answer.
I KNOW that at some point I’m going to get taken advantage of. I’m going to give someone the benefit of the doubt who probably doesn’t deserve it. I’m going to offer my time, my knowledge, or my help to someone who might not appreciate any of it.
But if I let the fear of that happening stop me, how many opportunities am I going to miss to help someone who genuinely needs it?
How many people might never ask a question because they’re afraid of looking stupid? How many people are afraid to try something new because they’ve been made to feel like they should already know how to do it?
What if I have an opportunity to teach somebody something, to encourage them, or to simply make them feel comfortable enough to ask for help without worrying about being judged?
I don’t want to miss those opportunities just because somebody else took advantage of my kindness in the past.
And maybe that’s where the real challenge is.
Finding the balance between being kind and being taken advantage of. Between standing up for yourself and becoming the very person you’re so frustrated with.
Because I don’t think you have to become a bully to stand up to one.
I think awareness plays a big role in that. Observation, too.
Paying attention to how people treat others. Noticing patterns in their behavior instead of constantly making excuses for them. Recognizing when someone genuinely needs help and when someone is simply taking advantage of your willingness to give it.
Most importantly, paying attention to our own behavior.
Because it’s easy to point out what everybody else is doing wrong. It’s a whole lot harder to recognize when we might be doing some of those same things ourselves.
And I think that’s something worth remembering. Just because someone has treated you poorly doesn’t mean you have to treat them poorly in return. You can stand up for yourself. You can say no. You can set boundaries. You can decide someone no longer deserves access to your time or energy.
You can do all of those things without becoming an asshole yourself.
I don’t think being a good person means allowing people to walk all over you. But I also don’t think protecting yourself should mean closing yourself off to everyone else.
Maybe that’s the balance I’m trying to find.
Knowing when to give, when to walk away, and when to stand my ground.
Knowing that some people will never appreciate what you have to offer, but recognizing that others might genuinely benefit from it.
And understanding that I won’t always get it right.
I’ll probably trust the wrong people. I’ll probably give someone more chances than they deserve. And I’m sure there will be times when I look back and think, “Well, that was stupid.”
But I’d rather learn from those experiences than let them turn me into someone I don’t want to be.
Because at the end of the day, I still want to help people.
I want people to feel comfortable asking questions. I want people to know that they don’t have to be embarrassed about what they don’t know. I want to share what I’ve learned, encourage people to try new things, and hopefully make somebody’s life a little easier along the way.
And if I have to get stepped on a little bit here and there to reach the people who genuinely need that, I think I’m willing to take that chance.
I just hope that when those people find themselves in a position to help somebody else, they do.
Maybe that’s how we start creating a world with a few more givers than takers.
And maybe that’s where the whole idea of leading by example really comes into play.
Not just expecting children to grow up and become better people, but actually showing them what that looks like.
Because high school doesn’t last forever, but the lessons we learn from the people around us certainly does.
And at 37 years old, I guess I’m still figuring out how to be kind without being naive, strong without being cruel, and helpful without losing myself in the process.
Because I refuse to believe that the only way to survive in a world full of bullies is to become one.
Leave a Reply