I woke up this morning feeling as though I had had a nightmare but really it was just a chance to reflect and appreciate the position my family and I are currently in. I’m grateful everyday I wake up, and for all the little things. A beautiful sunset, the smell of my coffee brewing in the morning, a cozy fire in the middle of winter. I feel its important to show these things everyday not just for my own mental health but for my children to see as well. However there are still days that I’m humbled and I learn something else to be grateful for. Let me give you a little background first, before I delve into the “blast from the past” dream.
Thirteen years ago, I fled a violent relationship with my daughter, who was three at the time, and moved back to my hometown. I had set us up in a cute little apartment in the middle of town. It was something I could afford on my own as a single working mother, and made do with what we had. We may have started out with lawn chairs as living room furniture, but little by little, we turned it into a home.
Living in apartments was a constant throughout my childhood. So a sense of familiarity washed over me being in that little two bedroom; however, just because I was accustomed to it didn’t mean I enjoyed it. I didn’t love having so many neighbors living so close. Some were louder than others, some noisier, and some just plain creepy. Still, it was our space, and for the first time since I’d fled, I felt a true sense of independence and ambition.
Although our small apartment met our basic needs—offering shelter, a space to prepare and enjoy meals, and a cozy place to rest—I longed for more space: a yard of our own, room to roam, or maybe a dog. Growing up, even while living in an apartment, I had always been surrounded by animals, but this particular complex made it nearly impossible to keep them without hefty fees. We settled for pet fish, and my daughter had an odd fascination with ants, so she kept a little farm. Once again, we made due with what we had. Years down the road, I met my now-husband. We shared the same goals for the future, wanting animals, gardening space, and places for the kids to play. When things became serious and we were ready to merge our lives, we sought out a home that could accommodate our growing family while working toward our goals. It didn’t happen all at once, but gradually, we came to be where we are today.
Now, here we are several years later and I’m dreaming back to that apartment—one that my husband, our three children, who are now 12, 15, and 16, and I had to move back into. In the dream, I kept telling myself that it was only temporary and that we would be back in a house with some property and room for the kids in no time. Why, you may ask, were we moving into an apartment? Who knows. That’s the nature of dreams, though, isn’t it? You don’t always know everything that’s happening, but you can’t deny the emotions tied to those experiences. Even if those experiences are in your head and not our physical reality.
I awoke this morning with a profound sense of gratitude that filled my heart. As I lay there reflecting on my journey—on the path I’ve walked, the challenges I’ve faced, and the many moments of growth—I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by the sheer depth of it all. When I think about my past, my present, and everything I’ve accomplished along the way, it brings tears to my eyes. More than just my personal achievements, I think of the milestones my family has reached, the strength we’ve shown, and how far we’ve come together.
If I could somehow transport myself back to that difficult time in my life, when every day felt like a struggle, I would have never imagined that things could unfold this way. Back then, my goals were simple, focused purely on survival. I just wanted to ensure safety and stability for my daughter and myself, to make decisions that would lead us to a place of peace and security. The future felt uncertain, and dreams beyond that were hard to envision.
But now, looking around, the contrast is nothing short of monumental. The life we live today is something I once thought was beyond reach. It’s a testament to resilience, to the unwavering will to keep moving forward even when the road ahead seemed unclear. I can hardly believe how far we’ve come, and I’m filled with a deep appreciation for how much we’ve grown and for every person and moment that helped shape this beautiful reality.
To anyone who’s struggling right now, I want you to know that the journey is long, and sometimes the steps forward can feel small, but they add up. Keep going. The future you imagine today could be even greater than you could ever anticipate.
